Songs for "Helicopter" Parents

Lenore Skenazy of the New York Sun recently lamented that Sesame Street had Cookie Monster sing "A Cookie is a Sometimes Food". She wrote a bunch of new songs that would fit right in with the whole "helicopter" parenting mentality. Living in a suburb near Silicon Valley, I can assure you that Ms. Skenazy hit a bullseye with several of them! Here are my favorites:

"Hush Little Healthy Eating Baby":
Hush little baby, don't say a word

Mama's gonna buy you organic bean curd

And if that bean curd makes you stressed,

Mama's gonna take you for an allergy test

And if that allergy test says you're okay,

Mama's gonna lay off lactose anyway

And if that lactose-free diet leaves you hungry

Mama's gonna supplement with locally produced honey

And if that local honey gives you diabetes

Mama's gonna buy you a bowl of Wheaties

And if that bowl of Wheaties tastes dry

Mama's gonna give you some soy milk to try

And if that soy milk makes you hurl

You'll still be the cutest lactose-free, locally grown,

wholly organic, borderline diabetic baby in the world.

"Take Me Out to the New, Noncompetitive Ballgame":
Take me out to the ballgame

For cooperative fun!

Buy me some sunscreen so I won't burn

I just hope that we all get a turn!

For it's root, root, root for the two teams

Whoever wins it's the same – all the same

'Cause we Don't! Keep! Score! anymore

At the new ball game.