Thursday, May 31, 2007

Songs for "Helicopter" Parents

Lenore Skenazy of the New York Sun recently lamented that Sesame Street had Cookie Monster sing "A Cookie is a Sometimes Food". She wrote a bunch of new songs that would fit right in with the whole "helicopter" parenting mentality. Living in a suburb near Silicon Valley, I can assure you that Ms. Skenazy hit a bullseye with several of them! Here are my favorites:

"Hush Little Healthy Eating Baby":
Hush little baby, don't say a word
Mama's gonna buy you organic bean curd
And if that bean curd makes you stressed,
Mama's gonna take you for an allergy test
And if that allergy test says you're okay,
Mama's gonna lay off lactose anyway
And if that lactose-free diet leaves you hungry
Mama's gonna supplement with locally produced honey
And if that local honey gives you diabetes
Mama's gonna buy you a bowl of Wheaties
And if that bowl of Wheaties tastes dry
Mama's gonna give you some soy milk to try
And if that soy milk makes you hurl
You'll still be the cutest lactose-free, locally grown,
wholly organic, borderline diabetic baby in the world.

"Take Me Out to the New, Noncompetitive Ballgame":
Take me out to the ballgame
For cooperative fun!
Buy me some sunscreen so I won't burn
I just hope that we all get a turn!
For it's root, root, root for the two teams
Whoever wins it's the same – all the same
'Cause we Don't! Keep! Score! anymore
At the new ball game.

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